The US Legislative Branch is now seeking qualified candidates to apply for representative positions. Since April 1, 1789, the USLB has been working to advance the goals of its stakeholders. Responsibilities include:
- Toeing the party line – balance not required
- Caving to special interests – candidates who fear the dark and bats need not apply
- Pandering to the base – the base can be reached by following the party line, see item #1
- Crafting budgets – the craftier the better
- Earmarking – actual handling of livestock not required, unless you shoot them yourself
- Determining the use of force – this is more of a ceremonial task
Qualifications include being 25 years of age for district representatives and 30 years for state representatives. You must be a US citizen for at least the past seven years—nine for state, and you must currently live in the state you will serve. No other qualifications required or needed. Compensation is officially $169,300 per year; however, you may be eligible for additional “bonuses” depending upon your legislative success.
Candidates will be notified on November 5th, 2008 if they have been selected, provided there are no frivolous lawsuits regarding the selection process. The USLB is looking to fill 435 district positions, and 35 state positions. Previous or seated representatives need not apply.
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