Don Gorske of Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin has eaten 23,000 Big Macs since May 17th, 1972 – that’s about 1.75 a day, every day (except the day his mother died, per her request) over 36 years. Don says that it’s the highlight of his day, since he loves them so much. What even more astonishing is that he’s 54-years-old and still alive.
Apparently Don hasn’t tried Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe, a recipe so secret, that KFC is completely revamping the security on the recipe that only two company executives have access to it at any given time, and no one knows who they are. Apparently, having it locked in a cabinet with two locks, behind a door with three locks, all inside a vault, wasn’t enough. Still, if that’s all you’ve got going and it’s making you $5.3 billion a year, then by all means – beef up security.
Washington, D.C. has now joined Alabama, Arkansas, Connecticut, Kentucky, New York, and Virginia in paying students to succeed in school. Apparently, it’s not enough that school is free (for the students, not the taxpayers), D.C. Schools Chancellor Michelle A. Rhee seems to think that children need to be compensated for taking something that is already being given to them for free. According to Rhee, the old method of detention, suspension, and summer school isn’t an incentive to get kids to succeed in school. She wants kids to be “invested in their education… and take ownership of their learning.” Invested, ownership – sounds like Capitalism, so it must be time to pull out the cash.
Let me make sure I get this. Children today have such a strong sense of entitlement that they feel they are doing America a favor by succeeding in school and should be paid for it – and lawmakers agree with this. If the kids are getting paid, that means that these local governments are essentially employing these children to learn. School is now a job.
I think we should take this to it’s next logical step. If a child is being paid to do well in school, aka, at their job, then if they don’t do well, they should be fired. They can then apply for a worse paying school/job and if they get accepted, they will be allowed to work there. If they can’t find a school/job that will take them, it’s their own damn fault and should end up on the street. The system isn’t letting them down, the system is letting the kids take ownership of their learning.
While the Israeli government has temporarily suspended talks on compensation for Israeli settlers to leave their homes in the West Bank, Alabama has stepped up. That’s right, Dothan Alabama. The Blumberg Family Jewish Community Services of Dothan is offering up to $50,000 to Jewish families who will relocate to Dothan, an overwhelmingly Christian town of 58,000 that calls itself the Peanut Capital of the World. As long as they get involved at Temple Emanu-El and stay at least five years, the money doesn’t have to be repaid. Larry Blumberg and his friends are trying to bring new families to the town. The next generation has moved away to the cities, and they don’t want to see their community die and their synagogue close.
Here’s an idea, a smart enterprising Israeli settler could take the compensation from the Israeli government to leave the West Bank, move to Dothan, and retire like a king! They’ll feel right at home: hostile neighbors of another faith, hotter than hell, lots of poverty, and a low cost of living. Paradise.
Barach’s Law is very clear. To have America reward you, you need to excel at mediocrity – not excel. Sadly, 9-year-old pitcher Jericho Scott had to learn this the hard way. The right-hander has a fastball that tops out at about 40 mph. He throws so hard that the Youth Baseball League of New Haven, CT told his coach that the boy couldn’t pitch any more. When Jericho took the mound anyway, the opposing team forfeited the game, packed its gear and left.
This is a sad example of how America can’t tolerate to much excellence, and so they walk away and let it whither. Excellence is too frightening. Why elect public officials that are brilliant when we can elect ones that are folksy, just like us? Why patron an excellent local restaurant when Applebee’s is local everywhere?
The Youth Baseball League of New Haven are actually doing more of a disservice to the other children in the league than they are to Jericho Scott. He’ll probably play with older kids and end up making millions of dollars in MLB, while the other kids will have missed out on an opportunity to really be challenged, instead of being coddled.
McCain and Tigh were both decorated pilots and wars prisoners that were tortured. They’re both crotchety old men, and McCain has had so much of his skin replaced, he’s practically artificial, like Tigh.
Palin is just a hockey mom who ended up innocently in power, just like Roslin, a teacher who didn’t expect to find herself in politics. They both have a take no prisoners attitude (which wouldn’t have and probably won’t work out well for McCain, or Tigh). Both are strong opponents of abortion, and they both look great in glasses, not Tina Fey great, but close.
I know they don’t look alike, but I still get them confused. Maybe you can help me out here. Which one is it that loves big oil? I also heard that one of them has a daughter or two that like to party just a bit too much. Anti-abortion and pro abstinence education and a huge darling of the religious right? I’m pretty sure one of them has an investigation over questionable firings of government officials going on now. And then there is that issue of pork, the money, not the meat – you know how one of them loves it, but then speaks out against it. Also, who’s the one that’s just a regular person?
No, not the US government’s international propaganda machine, but a voice that people actually listen to. Don LaFontaine, the voiceover artist who’s done just about every trailer for every movie that’s ever made a buck, died at age 68 in Los Angeles. Everyone knew his voice, but only after doing this GEICO spot just a few years ago did people know his face.
He was a crowning example of an American who did what America does best. May he rest in peace.
Putin’s not dangerous because of his stranglehold on Russian government, or his invasion of Georgia. He’s dangerous because he’s physically the equivalent of James Bond. I don’t mean the pansy-ass Roger Moore version of James Bond, but the kick-ass Daniel Craig style. Of course, Putin was KGB, so unlike Daniel Craig, he really was an ass-kicking spy.
Putin’s latest feat of manliness was the shooting of a Siberian tiger with a stun gun. The wild tiger escaped from being trapped in it’s natural habitat in the far east and charged a camera crew. Putin was just arriving with some wildlife specialists, and seeing the tiger loose and attacking, he shot and sedated it.
Here is where Russians and Americans are different. Putin sedated his prey, while Palin would have killed it, and Cheney would have shot a wildlife specialist in the face.
While we’re on the topic of Texas children and driving, Corpus Christi, Texas Police spotted a 12-year-old boy driving his grandmother’s car. When they tried to stop him, he led them on a 60 mph chase before swerving to avoid spikes in the road and crashing into a fence. That’s what they call growing up fast in Texas.
For many children, today is the first day of a new school-year, the day kids go off to be coddled taught those subjects important to their success in US society. This can be stressful for parents, what with all of the dangers children face today in school, but let’s remember that it’s also stressful for the teachers. One local school board in Harrold, Texas has taken action to help relieve the stress and make school a safer place, by authorizing teachers and employees to carry concealed weapons on campus.
Granted, I don’t know anyone in Harrold, Texas, but from the looks of that tombstonesque sign near the school, and the fact that all of the shootings at schools in recent history have been committed by students, I know I’d want to be able to protect myself if I were teaching there. Way to protect the innocent teachers, Harrold, Texas, and make school safer for those who really matter.
Apparently Don hasn’t tried Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe, a recipe so secret, that KFC is completely revamping the security on the recipe that only two company executives have access to it at any given time, and no one knows who they are. Apparently, having it locked in a cabinet with two locks, behind a door with three locks, all inside a vault, wasn’t enough. Still, if that’s all you’ve got going and it’s making you $5.3 billion a year, then by all means – beef up security.
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